HELL ON THE ROCKS

"My Little Army"

2007-07-23T09:15:00.000-04:00

Well imagine my surprize when I stumbled onto my stash of toy soldiers while looking for something else in my debris field. See my "Inkplum" page for the book I was hunting down. Anyway I loves my little guys.

The secret passion of certain pacifists is toy soldiers, and model airplanes. ...I do both.

Having these little fella's around is my way of working out my male instinct to pillage, and generally lay waste the earth. I used to do complex battles based deranged alternate history circumstance's to make them interesting.

Years ago I had this whole war opera going in my bedroom. It was about the Union army, the Confederates, and the Indians, and Mexican armies united to defeat an invading European Alliance. It went on for most of the winter. Hey it passed the time.

Next time I do something that nuts I'll post it all here to annoy you.

Stay tuned.

Peace.

(Click on the pix's to enlarge.)

"Did you hear something?"

2007-07-22T21:44:00.000-04:00

(Exterminator cleaning out my basement. I have a "slight" bug infestation down there.)

Hi folks. How's it hang'n? Well I'm feel'n okay for a change,...must be the weather. It's been cooler for the last day or two. Also some of my younger relatives have been coming by to see if I'm still alive. Nice of them.

Actually it is 'cause they're helping me fix up my old house. Yep she's seen better daze I can tell ya. Well the kids, and some of their pals have come 'round, and are plastering, painting, and bulldozing away alot of the rubble that can build up over 30+ years.

Bless their hearts. This is what family is about. I remember being 'forced' by my folks to help out various old farts I was by cosmic random chance unfortunately related to. Now the same is being done for me. Yeah these kids could be out drive'n to the beach with their girl friends, but instead their doing hard contractor's work in my hot steamy ruins. ...what fun.

It's okay we get along fine since as it turns out they actually like me. It's my honest nasty sense of humor, and unromantic view of old farthood. I sez to 'em I know they'd rather being getting laid instead of sweating, and busting their butts fixing up my old house.

I even let's them play their loud "rap, ding dong, fucky, fucky" music or whatever they call it. So in a month or two I'll have a nice place again. I was going to do it all myself. If you've been reading my various blogs I mentioned that a few times. 'Never got around to it though.

Like Saint Quentin Chrisp used to say, "...After the 3rd year or so it doesn't get any dirtier". Ha! It turns our he was right. It's true! Anyhow I'll take some snaps, and post them in a while for all to admire.

Stay tuned.

"I Can Explain..."

2007-07-19T02:48:00.000-04:00

Yeah well about some of these snaps...' Thing is I've been entertaining myself,..eh in a way. 'Been do'n it for a while now. If you've been by some of my other blogs you'll have noticed my digital "action figure funnies'. Okay they're silly, but they make me laff.

As you may have noticed I haven't had reason to do that for a while now. I really like playing with these toys, and making up weird stories for them, and putting them on the blogs. This is my summer project.

Btw I'll probably post pix's of my toy soldiers, and assorted hardware on my "Crome Jacket" blog on the weekend. That's my plan anyway. Thanks for ya patients. Maybe this stuff will develop into something interesting as I get more experience at it.

Btw yeah my family is still looking after our cousin that's suffering with full dementia. Her grand kids have moved her to their place for a while so I'm off emergency duty for a week or two.

Once again thanks for the prayers, kind words, and advice many of you have given here, on e-mail, and in person. It really helped. Infact that's how I ended up playing with these action figures. It's a kind of therapy I guess. As I say it does make me laff.

Peace!

PS, 'Sorry if ya put off by the "Astro Boy in the Hitler Youth" thing. I haven't posted the whole story yet. It was hilarious at the time. Well this 'is' my "HELL" page,...more later.

Peace.

"Dazed"

2007-07-12T06:53:00.000-04:00

Wow I picked up an aggressive bug that's wipe'n me out. This usually happens in november. It's almost like being stoned. Better actually. I'm having the best dreams, and I feel totally blitzed all the time.

The only drawbacks are the headaches, and stuffed head. Eckkk! I was going to treat myself to an adventure. My birthday having just passed. Well to bed, and long hours of delirious sleep.

Last night I had a dreamed that my house was engulfed in a lava flow. ??? Also me, and some mysterious others were hunting lepards in the park. I think I may have had an out-of-body thing as well.

It's all jumbled up, but I remember being pulled out of my house. Out of my bed, out of my house, into the sky. I saw the city receding below me. I saw the coast. I saw big ships, I think liners at sea.

There were lights all around me. Very bright. They looked like super fire fly's. I started to feel very cold. Odd since I think I was outside my body. Also aren't we in the middle of a heatwave?

It gets fuzzy after that. Dreams are seriously fluid. If infact that was a dream.

"Surprize!",...self pity party

2007-07-09T00:21:00.000-04:00

Okay it's happened. It's my birthday. I'm somewhere in my late 50's. That's all anyone needs to know.

Whoopie.

One thing though. I miss being able to write them Angel stories. Ya remember,..those Timmy Tom tales. Folks liked them for a time. They were sweet, and fun to do. I was another person then.

If I ever write again it'll be horror stories. You should write what you really know.

Btw, fuck da Martians!

"Calm days, and Quiet nights"

2007-07-04T19:19:00.000-04:00

Things are calm for now. The weather's been beautiful, and my loved one is responding well to treatment. So for now the family is breathing a bit easier. That, and I'm finally getting more sleep.

Thanks to all that have offered help in person, e-mail, and here in blogsphere. It mattered. Your thoughtful kindness's, suggestions, and comforting words mattered very much. I do thank you all as does my family.

Peace.

"Wounded Healer?"

2007-06-28T23:08:00.000-04:00

Wounded? Try freaked out, burned out, tapped out, or completely, and totally crapped out. I think I'm going to die before my beloved relative will. Don't get me wrong. I'd still cut a deal with Gawd to give my years to my "patient".

I'm just tired. I need to be able to sleep for about a week undistured. Maybe a pizza, and some root beer. That, and no emergencies at 2 in the morning. I don't want to see anymore doctors, nurse's, emt guys or cops for the rest of what's left of my life.

'Another thing. Dementia is perhaps among one of gawd's most cruel dirty tricks. A living death that can go on for years. 'Me,...well if I think that's what's coming my way I'll take direct action'n I don't mean maybe. I won't drive my family to tears or linger in that twilight non-life.

A nice tidy morphine end thank you.

What more could you ask for?

"Satan's Home Movies"

2007-06-23T23:21:00.000-04:00

What a swell flick! I laughed so hard that I fell off my cross. Man that Devil is one funny dude. He's the only guy I know that can make having your kidney's ripped out through you nose seem funny. Ha! Give this guy his own game show.

On the other hand "Mrs. Satan" is all business. If ya runs into this sweetheart I'd avoid eye contact if I was you. Nuff said.

"My Birthday Hippo"

2007-06-22T04:12:00.000-04:00

A Comrad e-malied me this youtube cartoon to cheer up my grumpy butt. Okay it did make my butt happier. Now to work on the rest of me. It's not my birthday yet. That's a few weeks off still.

However these daze I find it wise to sneak up on birthdaze. Don't let them see you coming! Anything can happen after 50 they say. I mean how often one reads in the paper of some poor jerk dropping dead after eating a slice of birthday cake. Right, and the poor slob is always like 53, 55, 58!

Everytime!

I just saw another one of those in the "Post" the other morning. "Joe Blow suddenly dropped dead today after eating some birthday cake!" "The poor slob was at his party shoveling slabs of cake, and ice cream into his maw when he shouted "Oh Fuck!", and imploded!"

Happens all the time.

Which is why I'm sneaking up on the bastard. I'll come quietly on that dreaded day. No party, no booze or dope or nothing. In fact I think I'll just stay home, unplug da phone, and watch the ballgame.

I'll let you know when I pass 60. They say after that it's clear sailing to the end. No bullshit, no hassels. You just skate along till your gut blows out like a tire on your old '78 Pontiac.

Yep ya drive'n along, and the tire goes then ya spinning out'a control, flip into a ditch, and wrap around a tree. Curtains. Nice, quick, and simple. None of that stupid middleaged drawn out messy crap.

Yep, that's for me. A nice natural end as gawd intended. Wrapped around a tree in in a ditch.

"My Birthday in Hell"

2007-06-21T07:28:00.000-04:00

I think I'm 257 more or less. Do I get cake?

"I Can't Remember"

2007-06-17T23:40:00.000-04:00

"Life in Hell"

2007-06-17T07:28:00.000-04:00

"Becalmed"

2007-06-15T05:50:00.000-04:00

The angry sea has calmed. The wind is mild, and from the northeast. Gulls rest on our mast. The hellish storm has blown itself out. We ride anchor, repair, and refit.

"Hellish Seas!"

2007-06-13T21:08:00.000-04:00

Position uncertain. The gails blow at 120 knots. Dark waves wash over the bow, and crash the bridge! We ride crests 100ft high, and the foreward bulkheads creak, and grown with the stress'n pressure of the pounding sea. Too late to alter course now, we're in it for the duration. Come what may this be our present fate!

Stand Fast! Mate's, stand fast!!

.....last message recieved,....HMS Sydneyland,.....standing by for more tansmissions.....

"A Rough Day in HELL"

2007-06-10T21:03:00.000-04:00

Yeah sometimes even Hell can be Hell. I was with my very ill cousin all day. She's much older than me, and is suffering from dementia. Just to make it interesting she had a stroke too. Gawd in Her gentle mercy chose to bless Her loyal servant with these gifts.

Remind me to sue.

Anyway it's been a year of unending nightmares for what's left of this part of the family. See thing is my Dad married very late in life so all my cousins on that side is 10 to 20 years older than me. Swell

They're all falling apart pretty bad lately. There's nothing to do, but bear witness. Which is what I'm doing. It's heart breaking. There are no words. Dementia robs you of everything. Your dignity, sense of self the works gone. All one can do is to try to keep your loved one comfortable,...and weep.

Which is what I've been doing tonight. No the tears still won't come. They're locked behind the steel of my male self-image. Odd thing for a queer anarchist to have, but there it is. The tears are inside eating away my soul.

I wish I could make it all well, and happy for everyone, but this is who we are. We're very, very fragile beings that live for a brief time only to be consumed by eternity. Food for the G-ds indeed.

I am so tired.

"Here's What Scares Me"

2007-06-08T06:43:00.000-04:00

Paper work. This simple item of life scares the crap out'a me. I can face bullets, but I freeze up when faced w/tax forms, jury notices, bills of all kinds. Basically any regulated official looking piece of paper is Red frigg'n Kryptonite to me.

'Been like this since I was a kid. These things is the harbingers of evil. Nothing good ever comes with the appearance. When these missives from Hell come 'round you're being drafted, fired, taxed, tested, fined, demoted, passed over,rejected, robbed, and lied to.

Com'on you know this is true. Other than a notice that you've won the lotto no offical paper is worth having. This is how I get in so much trouble. I ignore bills, and official notice's all the time. Well yes I do pay the bill, but in agony. Not because of the dough, but because I have to handle the forms.

I guess this come under the area of phobia's. I have form'o phobia or doucumentia, or keepthatfrigg'nthingawayfrom'me! 'Matter of fact this is how I got in trouble with the Kings County Sheriffs Dept. I just couldn't fill out that damned jury form so here I am screwed,...again. This is also why I'm always at least a year behind in my tax file'n.

Now I've been able to shield myself in a way. Friends help me with important papers, and a lawyer pal does my tax's. However when my depression mix's up with my form'phobia I'm fucked. This because I don't ask for help. I'm too fucked up with depression, and so don't care.

The meds help a bit, but not enuff.

Well now ya know my dark secret. I'm afraid of paper. Weird since I'm an artist, and paint, and draw on paper all the time. I guess that's another story for another time.

2007-06-04T01:36:00.001-04:00

"A Matter of Life, and Death"

2007-05-31T09:23:00.000-04:00

This Michael Powell film had a lot to do with the formation of my childhood cosmology. Time standing still, a mirror through which you can see anything, and a Heaven with file clerks, and a coke machine. All that for a 8 year old to digest. If Mass were like this movie I'd be a Bishop by now.

"COURT TV"

2007-05-31T08:20:00.000-04:00

Parts one, and two. Part two sums up part one then continues to the end.

"BLAM!"

2007-05-31T00:56:00.000-04:00

"ain't we got fun"

2007-05-30T01:52:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been trying to dream myself into another reality. I hear them out-back Australian guys do this all the time. Seems to work for them okay. I mean they been do'n it for 60,000 years now.

Anyway I go to bed, and deliberately try to construct a world that's at least livable. So far alot of nightmares. Yeah I usually tell ya about them. Pretty gruesome stuff. Still now, and then I come close.

I get a few minutes in an ideal reality or something like it. Trouble is it always morphs into some fucked up shitty hellscape. Almost everytime. Bummer.

It's like in "Matrix" when that evil program sez they tried to give humanity a perfect dream world to live in, but people always saw through it, and freaked out.

I guess we're just built to live in variations of HELL. If there were a real Heaven after a few months we'd be chewing the carpets, and going after the Angels with harp strings to garrot them.

Still I'm keeping at it. In fact just last night I had this swell dream where I was in some sort of art school commune. It was full'a these real nice teenaged co-eds, and they all liked me. We had a ball doing all sorts of happy shit together.

Everything was beautiful, and comfy . All the people were smart, and real sweet. I remember there was some sort of wonderful concert we put on,...it was heavenly.

Well I woke up in such a soft sweet mood. I wanted to go back so I dozed off. I succeeded. I re-entered the dream,...in a way. I entered the dark universe opposite of the thing. Figures.

It was the same place, but it was maybe 50 years later. Everything was rotten, and beat up. Filth was everywhere, and the people were all different. Angry ugly mean bastards all of them.

It was a nightmare. I remember putting old trunks in front of the door to keep these gouls away from me. They was screaming threats, and trying to bang their way in.

Swell.

Sorry no happy ending here. I'm just living my life like the rest of ya.

Stay Tuned.

"Beatnik Hell!"

2007-05-29T23:49:00.000-04:00

Like Crazy man! Lets get some wheels, and split this lame town! We'll get us some slick chicks,soft Q-boys, and cut a rug. I mean lets be spade, lets be down, lets be in the wind!

You dig Daddy-o?!

This cat be cool.

"Satan's Favorite Comedy"

2007-05-28T12:53:00.000-04:00

"Connect the Dots!"

2007-05-28T09:36:00.000-04:00

Interesting,..a skyscraper collapses "like a pack of cards" in this nearly 50 year old kid show. Could the 9/11 conspiracy have gone back that far?! Oh is there no end to the Bush villainy?!!

"IJNS YAMATO"

2007-05-27T03:47:00.000-04:00

I'm always facinated to see the patriotic propaganda from the other side. In this case the Imperial Japanese Navy of the WW2 era. The first video is the Japanese National Anthem.

The next two video's are from a contemporary film about the great battleship the Yamato. The latter is a patriotic Japanese film from the actual war years. I suppose this is my "Memorial Day" post

Hell is such an interesting place,...yes?

"A Wild Knight in HELL!"

2007-05-27T00:41:00.000-04:00

"The Demon of Small Sins"

2007-05-27T00:03:00.000-04:00

Where would we be without this sizzle'n sweetheart. All of our moral compromise's, and guilty short cuts through life wouldn't be possible without her. Hot stuff indeed! Here's to ya Babe! You're the only one down there that understands what it is to be Human.

Thanks!

"A Slow Day in HELL"

2007-05-26T14:17:00.000-04:00

"Satan"(tm) is not such a bad guy once you've endured him for a few thousand years. Why he even provides entertainment, of a sort, for his clients on slow days in HELL. Ya know, when the maintenance demons are cleaning the rendered flesh out of the various torture machines, and such.

Also when the "Lake of Fire" is drained now'n then, and new gasoline poured in. That, and the baked remains of old souls scraped off the bottom, and rejuvinated so they can be thrown back in later.

Yeah when things is quiet in Hades the "Old Boy" likes to show his sweet side. so in an arrangement with "Youtube" the "Hell Dept. of Public Works, and Castrations" has provided these four extemely funny...or disturbing videos for the enterainment of the Eternally Damned.

(Btw the one about the "Mad Cow" is Satan's favorite. 'Watches it all the time I hear.)

Enjoy.

"Okay,...a little more Chilling"

2007-05-24T09:01:00.000-04:00

Yeah I know this is bullshit, but I 'like' this particular steam'n pile of bullshit. I dunno this meditation just happened to work for me. Maybe it was the weird Australian accent or maybe I just like the beach.

Who know, who cares it worked that's all that matters. Hey I'd post the frigg'n Dali Lama butt fuck'n Condi Rice if it chilled me out. It wouldn't, but ya gets my point.

"French Space Crime!"

2007-05-24T06:56:00.000-04:00

Felix the cat, (no relation), was savagely hurled into the cold cruel emptiness of the eternal abyss on October 18 1963. Poor Felix, and some assorted other felines were minding their own business in the alleys of Paris. When without warning agents of the French Space Agency,(no doubt ex-Vichy secret police), ruthlessly kidnapped them for horrific scientific experiments!

They were shoved into refrigerators, staked out under sunlamps, made to eat frog paste, and then worst of all forced to watch hour after hour of Jerry Lewis movies! All this to "train" them as the first "Cats in Space!"

Who, but the French would think of something so stupid!

Well with that ungrateful bastard De Gaulle's blessing Felix was hogtied, and shoved into a cramp french so-called rocket, a crude knock off of the nazi V-2. Without so much as a blindfold, a call to his family or last Gauloises poor Felix was blasted to the frozen hell of space. This was hailed as a great "success" for French science.

Right,...shoving a drugged alley cat into a brass tube then blasting it into eternity where it'll freeze,and or starve to death. A real victory for the humanities. Yeah right nice go'n guys. Next time try puppies. Ya can fit more of them into your small mammal compactor.

Btw the other cats got off lucky. They didn't get to have their blood boiled then flash frozen. These kitties were just killed outright,(throats cut), and dumped into an unmarked mass grave. Just like them french Army bully boys was doing to Arabs in Algeria.

I see a pattern here.

(Click on the Title of this vicious post to see actual French Army murders of Algerians. Just like we're doing in Iraq,...sometimes. True the Iraqi's are doing a pretty good job on themselves these daze , but ya know.)

Yes, yes I'm calm I'm just having a little go at the French.)

"Sidney Calm Down!"

2007-05-21T10:09:00.001-04:00

For heavens sakes you'll bust a gut with all that mayhem, and bombs your tossing about. Okay breathe,...that's it. Sit calmly, straighten your back, and breathe. In,.....out,.....in,.....out,...calmly, regularly. That's it very good, breathe. In,......out,......there ya go. There's a good engineer.

Right, now keep them lungs open, and write some more of those stories folks love so much. Go over to your peace pages, and do some sweet stuff for the folks. 'Remember to breathe, and stop tormenting your self.

Okay get to work.

2007-05-20T09:01:00.000-04:00

"Satan's Favorite Cartoon's"

2007-05-20T01:21:00.000-04:00

Well the child assault one is what I should have done to the bullies that used to torment me. The vomit cartoon is exactly what I went through during my cocaine detox. Ain't life grand.

"On the Other Hand Life's a Hoot!!"

2007-05-19T22:56:00.000-04:00

UFO's during WW2 buzzing b-17's, and bf-109's. The Russians invade'n in 1989! I love alternate histories because in one of 'em I'm actually happy. I'll keep looking. I'll let ya know when it turns up.

"...again, and again"

2007-05-19T22:48:00.000-04:00

"Bite Me!"

2007-05-18T07:28:00.000-04:00

Monsters that made American strong, and your Uncle Sidney what he is today. Here's some cool original Godzilla, and other assorted Monster! action, and the famous Mothra song!

"angel in hell"

2007-05-18T02:19:00.001-04:00

I wrote a little story about an Angel that went to hell to liberate the poor souls trapped there. I'll put it in a few daze.

2007-05-18T01:14:00.001-04:00

"A DREAM"

2007-05-16T22:54:00.000-04:00

(This is from another blog I do "Humming Amber". I've just been re-reading some of my old stuff, and thought you might be interested in this post)

I dreamed this dream.., I moved through time. Centuries passed back, and forth as moments. There was a "prayer", an "incantation" that could open 'Heavens Gate' for you. The 'Bliss of God' yours at a whim! This "making", this "means" I saw, I instictively felt was wrong for us.

It was a weapon of the spiritual realms. A spear from the armory of the Angels, or perhaps the Demons in the War between Heaven, and Hades! When I woke up I heard a voice that said "Dont!", then I think it said,.."Bless you". We are not to use this thing,...this thing I can't name. I can see it, but I don't dare tell you what it is.

The "Dream", in my dream a Sage, a wise teacher had found the "Enchantment" to the worlds of Light. A "wormhole" to beyond the limits of our flesh. We were shown. There were several of us. I can't remember who they were now, but I've known them all for life, after life. I was happy in their company. They were old, and dear friends.

But the "Sage", he was,..is, another matter.I know him too. I know him very well. Though in my wakeing life he is mist. I only recall familarity, and that he has a strong aura of both great good, and extreme evil. He was,.. is nevertheless my teacher.

He showed us, his apprentices how 'it' was done. "Don't!",...said my voice. The Sage said the words. "Don't!!",...the voice called again. He said the words, he handled gems, leaves, shells,...more words. Then came a wind, and the sound of rain at the bottom of the sea.

A window appeared before us. Not glass, not ice, but something inbetween. On it were shapes, letters, symbols, colors, and things that were alive. A living breathing stainedglass window to the realms of light. It floated before us in the grey between the warring lands of light, and darkness.

I should have told you that this meeting of "Learned Master"', and students was taking place in the shadow of a cathedral long ago. I knew it was the 12th century, but we were moving. We traveled as he spoke. Our surroundingz changed as cloudz do on windy days. We moved through time during the "encantation". We were now in an 19th century university building. A professors study. It was worn, but cozy. My dream 'vision' of academic collegueality.

Again we were tempted by the enchantment of God's bliss. The "Teacher" was telling us,.."We all know the Joy! of the Light, and we all know the heavy stone of the Darkness when it leaves." "This "Opel" I've found that exists between the lands good, and evil lifts that stone,..forever!"

I dared to interupt, and said,.."This is not for us." "We must'n touch it!" "This is the business of Angels, it belongs to Heaven!" Even now as I write to you now,..oh the temptation! I dreamed of another "Tree of Knowledge!" Golden, and wonderful,..and just as forbidden.

The "door", the "window" is a narcotic of the higher worlds. Mercifly the images of what it looked like are fading,..most of the dream is misting away. I must fight not to hold on to the remaining shards.

There are no short cuts to the Light. We must go about our lives doing what good we can. Learning what we can, and passing it on. Our existence in the other realms will come when it comes. Those glimp's we get along the way are well, and good. They help, but our job is here, and now.

"They Don't Call it Dope for Nuthin!"

2007-05-16T21:35:00.000-04:00

I feel like I just fought 12 rounds with Sonny Liston,..the 'young' Sonny Liston. It's not exactly like a speed crash, but close enuff! As you can guess my meds finally came through, and now I'm going through withdrawl in reverse.

What's left of my brain has been busy obliterating all the changes the meds have made. It's done a swell job too! I'm throughly fucked up. Suicidal, withdrawn, bitter, the works.

Now comes the meds like the cavalry to the rescue. Just like the 'real' cavalry, not the ones in the movies, they're killing everyone in sight. "Let da Lawd sort'em out!" I think I'm sicker now than before.

My witch doctor tells me I'll be alright in a few days. I asked if I was in danger of any serious disability,..like death! ,for example, if my withdrawal had continued. Get this..."Probably not" sez he.

("Probably"???!!!!!)

This kid is younger that my socks, and had my life in his hairy palms. Remind me to buy him some comic books, and a lolipop's next time I have an appointment.

This is just the start ya know. My near death humiliations are just begining. I'm going to be at the mercy of doctors from now on. This because of my expire'n shelf life. Think of me as an old can of sliced peach's about to get shipped to a ghetto supermarket.

That's what they do ya know. Food Chains ship their old, and or rotting food from their upper middle class suburban malls to their outlets in black'n brown ghetto's. This has been proved again, and again by the press, and advocates for the poor.

It's still going on. Business is business.

Anyhow now I know how Grandma felt. Her, and my folks too, Mom'n Dad. Having a bunch's 12 year olds deciding their fate in between their jerking off, watching cartoons, and texting their drug dealers on their mobiles. Oh what a leaky bag of sagging flesh we are.

"Crown of Creation" my aged ass!

More later.

(Okay, okay some doc's are cool. Frist rate folks. Still, I keep getting the ones that would be just as happy to do an autopsy on me with a chainsaw, and a tea spoon as give me an aspirin.)

"Misdirected Rage, Paranoia, Self-loathing..."

2007-05-14T17:52:00.000-04:00

Humm, time to change the meds. Perhaps a peroid of involuntary observation in an institution is in order.

"Orderlies,..restraint the patient, and administer the new medication".

Fuck Off!

2007-05-13T18:12:00.000-04:00

Speaking of Hell I wish I could remove that damned "Profile Views" counter. It annoys the hell out of me. I liked I better, (it turns out), when I didn't know if anybody was out there. That frigg'n thing is effecting what I do. I'm becoming mindful of how many are coming by.

Fuck that! I don't give a fuck how many or who is looking in on my stupid shit. I'd rather nobody was there. This fucked up shit is entirely between me, and Gawd! So go away, and leave me alone!

"...and there was a War in Hell"

2007-05-13T11:25:00.000-04:00

"Uncle Sid is having a seriously Bad Night"

2007-05-13T05:23:00.000-04:00

As if you cared. The only thing worse than having your liver removed while you're awake is going through withdrawal. Which is what I'm doing. What piss's me off most about it is that it isn't withdrawal from anything good.

I mean it's nothing fun, weird or worthwhile. What I'm hauling my ass out of is just some run some da mill anti-depressants. My caretakers never mentioned an exit wound. Guess it slipped their minds.

I remember when I was fighting my cocaine addiction,..I still am I guess. I was in fucking agony, emotional, and in my guts. Say any of you swell folks, (all 6 of you), you ever vomit for 2 weeks without stop. I always wondered why that didn't kill me. Btw, that's the main reason I don't go back to the arms of the "White Mistress". Boy what a gal!

A 'good time' lady to be sure, but you try to walk out on her, and you're fucked. The bitch has fangs that even G-d is afraid of. Yep, blood, vomit, and shit. Funny they never mentioned any of that on the little bags I bought the stuff in.

Well here we go again. It ain't even my fault. See my "Sydneyland" blog for the back story of my current nightmare. My latest episode of having my considerable shlong getting aquianted with a meat grinder. It's the "Down w/Tyrannies" post.

So I'm in a painful, disorienting, progressive withdrawl from my anti-zombie meds. Hey gets better. I won't have any rescue from this hell till tuesday or wednesday. That's when they can release my "stuff" to me. 'Has to do with my insurance company, and a mistake my caretakers made with my fucking dosage!

A lawyer pal said I have a textbook case to fuck these guys good'n hard for the pain, mental, and physical that their fuckup has caused me. ...uh, what the fuck was I just talking about,..yeah, withdrawal. I don't reccomend it.

The End.

(Click on the title of this post for a scene from Hell.)

"Hell is such a Human Place"

2007-05-13T03:00:00.000-04:00

"Get Oriented!"

2007-05-09T23:26:00.000-04:00

Hi! I'm da Devil, and welcome to Brooklyn! Although you may know it as Hell, Hades, The 'Other' Place'n so on. Forget about appeals or mercy or any of that other faggy jazz. We don't play that here. Get da pixture?!

Alright, line forms to da left. No talk'n, keep ya hands where I can see'em, and have some picture I.D. ready. When ya name is called out you will bite off your thumbs, pluck out ya left eye, and put the provided flaming dildo up ya butt.

After this you will proceed in an orderly fashion to the red hot glow'n cave to ya right for orientation, and the removal of your flesh with weed wackers.

I remind you unauthorized speaking or shrieking in agony is strictly forbidden! ..oh yeah. Please turn off your cell phones, and remove all pacemakers, artifical internal organs or other surgical implants before entering the cave.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Ahem,.. okay lets get started. Let's see, eh...Adolf. Is there an Adolf Hitler here?

"We sent Our Guys to War Unprotected"

2007-05-09T22:35:00.000-04:00

Okay so who do we sue for this. What bunch of greedy, shortsighted shits sent our G.I.'s to die in unarmored trucks. 'Sent them knowing what would happen. Who do we sue or which set break linings do we cut to let them know how pissed we are.

(After you watch the Enya 9/11 video,(above), Please Click on the Title of this Post,( "We sent our..."), to See a just released after 6 years unseen 26 minute tape of the WTC Attack.)

2007-05-06T07:27:00.000-04:00

"Evil Shit"

2007-05-05T21:35:00.000-04:00

Some things are just too weird, and mysterious. There's stuff about myself I've never spoken or written about. We all have secret box's we keep the unspeakable in. Our "unspeakables", our shames, crimes, desires, thoughtless deeds.

We each of us have whole histories that are, and must remain classified within our hearts. It's as if we all have personal "Area 51's". An emotional hiding place full of oddly shaped box's.

Image walking through you own hidden "Hanger 18". Crates, chests, tabernacles,some of them singing beautiful aria's. Others weeping like abandoned children, a few bolted, and chained that rattle, and shreik.

We lock all these infamous treasures away from the world, and oursleves. Sometimes I think that if we never open up, and examine, demystify this locked up parts of ourselves,...well. If we don't perhaps we'll have to take that baggage with us into eternity. If you believe in that sort of thing.

But then that "sort of thing" is probably in one of them box's.

(The above video is part of my family story. It's also one of the box's.)

"Oh Shit!"

2007-05-04T09:25:00.000-04:00

The end of the world,..again, and the Japanese didn't do it,...mostly.

"OOP'S"

2007-05-04T09:00:00.000-04:00

Speaking of the Japanese here's their view of the end of the world.

"Kumo-To-Churippu"

2007-05-04T08:12:00.000-04:00

This is a 1943 wartime, and somewhat racist, see the spider, Japanese animation. I watched it with friends for the first time not long ago. I wasn't surprized at the stereotyped "American/Black Sambo" enemy spider. WW-2 both in Europe, and the Pacific was at heart a Race War. However there were things I didn't expect here. One was the humanity of the music.

The music, and some of the images broke down much of my stereotyping of what I thought the heart wartime Japan was like. When the film came out we were just starting to bomb their cities with B-29's based in China. The next year we'd be fire bombing them out of existence from closer bases in the pacific.

I do not excuse the massive bloody crimes of the Japanese Imperial government or it's armed forces against the innocent all over the pacific. Still this animation, despite it's wartime flaws, and bigotries, showed me a face of the then ultimate enemy that I'd never seen. A very human face.

"More Meds!!"

2007-05-04T06:54:00.000-04:00

I think I'm going nuts again. I'm starting to get self destructive,..a little. It's scary when I'm calm, and I feel this way. This damned 21st century is such a lonely place. Too many comrads, and pals gone to make it worth staying.

Everything seems insane, and cruel in this strange wretched world I've survived into. If my best friends were still here maybe it'd be bearable. We could see it out together, but like I said on some other page it's all "cold, and empty" here.

Hope, and humor is what I miss most of all. The young don't have hope. They expect it to get worse. This is a new element in the western cultural equation. They scare me sometimes. these kids. Some are so ruthless, heartless. It's not right. They should be idealistic for something,...anything.

They just want to make money, and buy land in Canada. That for when the seas rise, and the food starts to run out. If there really is a G-ddess or anything that cares about us I think it's time for some serious interventions maybe.

If I may,..."Holy Mother" I'd like to suggest a Miracle. Nothing too nuts just a little tweek. Could you fine tune our brains, and nervous systems to make us just a tad less fearful, and a gram more kindly. Never mind the intelligence we're fine on that for now.

If you could just cut down on that reptilian stuff were still dragging around it would really help. While you're at it could you clean up our backed up toilet of a planet so we can start fresh with our new aura's, and stuff. ...and oh,..I'd like some electric trains. Thanks.

Amen.

"Chicken Fight!"

2007-05-03T23:48:00.000-04:00

I had this weird dream that I was talking to my dog. I should say that my dog is, I assume, in Paradise. "Brownie" passed away back in the early 1970's. So for nearly 40 years now she's been in "Dog Paradise" which is across the street from "People Heaven", and down the block from "Cat Hell". All cats go to Hell.

Anyway there I was chatting away with my dog about old times. Naw I ain't pulling ya leg this was one of those surreal Dali dreams that one gets now'n again. I'm not sure where we were exactly,...maybe a beach or a park 'not sure.

The thing is Brownie was telling me to be careful with my health. Hey she was always a pal. Basically she gave me the same speech that most of my friends throw my way. Lay off fried foods, more veggies, mineral water, and exercise.

Yeah surreal alright. There I am in some other realm of reality getting a warning about my bad habits from my long dead dog. You can't make this stuff up folks.

Stay tuned.

"THE DEVIL!"

2007-05-03T05:10:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately in my line of work, radio producer for a "liberal" communications foundation, I encounter all sorts of political wackos. Nothing wrong with being a wacko. I'm a ufo, Angel, and Anarchist wacko myself. Anyway I runs into all sorts.

I'm always fascinated when I'm confronted with unrepentant communist's. They're mostly fans of the Mao, Che, Fidel, and what's his name from Venezuela. In other words they're harmless, or...mostly harmless. Well annoying, insufferable, but mostly harmless.

However every now, and then I come across an actual Stalinist. Wow! I love it when that happens. I especially like the ones that don't deny all the murders, and death/labor camps. These guys are the true believers. They justify it all. The ethnic relocations, purges, betrayals, mass liquidations the works.

As they see it old Uncle Joe was force feeding a whole peoples into a new,strong, proud, and heroic era. Sort of like Hitler, but with more style, and no ovens. Well at least not as many.

I actually have a kind of respect for them. Why, because they mean it. They ain't fucking around like most leftwing jerks that wouldn't last a week in a real Peoples Republic.

Thing is they seem like such nice folks. These cold blooded commies. They aren't all 80 year old fellow travelers either some are much younger than me. I suppose it's the times. This era that gives us child soldiers that behead, and hack off arm, and legs. Such an era would have no problem manufacturing new Stalinist's or Nazi's for that matter.

You cheered up yet.

Speaking of Stalin here are some folks that are seeing the Virgin Mary. Hey when I was 9 years old I shook hands with JFK. I saw Martin Luther King with my own eyes. 'Me, and my cousin saw a for real ufo back in the summer of '64. So who am I to say these guys ain't see'n the G-ddess.

(So please click on the Title of this scary post to see some folks that think the BVM is hang'n around. I tell ya though. If a bunch'a buddhist monks in Tibet or some serious Orthodox Jews in Israel start seeing Mary,..well.)

"The War that Keeps on Giving"

2007-05-03T04:04:00.000-04:00

My brother had another operation to remove a bit more shrapnel from his body. No not from some "Heroic Resistance" fighter or Iraqi headchopper, (take your pick), but from some Viet-Cong fucking "RPG" sniper. This is why I hate wars. All of 'em. They mostly settle nothing,( unless you're fighting Hitler or Mugabe), and they fuck alot of people up.

My brother John,..one of the "knights" I refered to in "Sir Sidney of Hollis Green". Look it up on the "Sydneyland" page.

Anyhow decades later they're still slowly removing Russian or Chinese steel from my brother's body. Shrapnel is funny that way. You can get the big bits right away. However the white hot metal "spray", the steel splinters are with you for life.

I imagine many,..very many young G.I.'s, and Iraqi's will be going through the same shit. 30, 40 years from now they'll still be going to the V.A. to have chunks of a long forgotten war removed from their guts.

"Paint it Black" indeed!

(Click on the title of this post to see Iraqi shrapnel do it's job. Don't worry it ain't gory,..I'd warn you if it were.)

"Something in the Air"

2007-04-30T08:02:00.000-04:00

Say I've been reading my own stuff lately, and I got's to say I've been a tad more nuts than usual. It's like I always said,..there's two Sidney's. There's that sweet Angel loving guy then there's the asshole. It's been like that for a long time. One blog it's all dolls, and faeries another it's fist fights.

My radio fans say it's an "interesting" mix. Me, well I figure I just better take more meds before something serious happens. Some idiot on the street is bound to give me shit at just the wrong moment. When that happens odds are I ain't gonna be reading 'em any verse's from "Leaves of Grass",..the "Naked, and the Dead" maybe.

Look I'm a patient guy, I try to be a kind reasonable guy. If I may say I've done kind'a okay in that department,..mostly in a way. It's just that lately, certainly in the last few months I just ain't taking shit from nobody.

Even I'm noticing the change. Interesting this alteration in my "holiness" meets with approval from some of my fellow artists here. As they tell me, and even the manager has mentioned this. They feel safer when They know I'm around the studios. I mean if there's any bullshit going down I deal with it. I either "tool" the bad guy or hold him till the cop finally show up.

This was never! my self image. Look I'm a performer that's what I do, and I like it. So does my small but gleefully deranged audience. I'm their lovable Uncle Sidney,..have been since the Carter administration. Well more or less.

Anyway I'm just thinking about all this crap is all. I'm 'not' an aggressive person, no way. Still I won't stand by while folks are being fucked up. That's that. Go over to my "Humming Amber" blog. Read my story,..which is true except for the part where I grow wings.

Go there, and read "Uncle Sidney's Interesting Day" I talk about some of this there. There one thing in there where I stop this fight on the subway. What the fuck did I do that for?! My ass could'a been good, and properly killed! Good Grief! However like in the story I just saved someone's life by being in the right place at the right time,...again.

That stuff has been going on all my life. That's why I jotted down that semi-fictional story. I was trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. This happens to alot of people out there. Maybe even most people.

G-d puts you somewhere where you reach out, and pull someone from the jaws of death. Just like that. Happened again. This guy was walking straight into the path of a speeding car on a dark side street down here. Maiden Lane I think.

Well there I was, there he was, and there came the car, "...look out". I didn't even yell this time. "Look out", and a life was saved. "Look out", and a family history continued. Children will be born, lives affected through the decades to come. "Look out".

How about that. Yeah I decided to go out at 2:30 in the morning to the deli. Not only that, but I changes my mind, and go to an alternate deli a block further along. So there I am just in time to save this guy's life.

After a moment he even said,.."You saved my life", and kept walking. I said,.."Put it to good use", but I don't think he heard me. I'll bet my paycheck that you have similar stories,..right? Makes ya wonder what's going on don't it.

Another day another miracle.

More later.

"...And there was a War in Heaven"

2007-04-30T00:42:00.000-04:00

Clearly there is still a War in Heaven. My problem is I no longer know which side I'm on. Things have got so confusing. What with line crosser's, and changing doctrine always coming down. The voices don't help as you that can hear them know. If anything they just make it more confusing.

How often does one run into an Angel that's just as fucked up ,and confused about the "Big Picture" as us regular proles. They ask,..."Am I doing good, am I helping?" Heck,..youre asking me?! What a fucking mess.

More later.

"Huh?"

2007-04-29T23:38:00.000-04:00

"Gawd would like a Word with you..."

2007-04-28T22:41:00.000-04:00

Look here Sid lay off tool'n everybody up. You ain't allowed to go'round beat'n the crap out'a people! That ain't ya job, and you know it! You remember the deal we cut when you asked to be born on Earth. Yeah that's right you frigg'n begged me to go. It was fuck'n embarrassing!

I was playing cards with my cousin Satan, and you barged in. Went right past Marge my receptionist, hurt her feelings, made her cry for craps sakes! You jerk you know how sensitive she is! Anyway there you was on my rug slobbering, begg'n, and plead'n to get born on Earth.

Well we did a deal...remember? You has to be sweet'n nice all the time no matter what or I toss'n your annoying ass to my pal Satan. That nasty gumba has a swell spot all picked out for you. Hope you like molten lava!

So lay off the rough stuff. If I need another torpedo I'll look up one of the Crips. So chill or else!

Oh yeah,..eh, Bless you my good, and faithful child. There,..now beat it!

"Mommy G-ddess Returns!"

2007-04-28T22:10:00.000-04:00

Hi I'm back. Did you miss me? Anything happen while I was bailing my stupid son out again? Oh Hi Uncle Sidney,..are you okay? You look a little fucked up, and pissed off. Are you obsessing on something? Aww, don't tell me,...you didn't beat up your drunken cousin again. He was stewed right?

Now Sidney we talked about that didn't we? Com'on now you can't go tooling people up just because they're assholes. Believe me it's a thankless job. It doesn't work either. Just look at the mess my Father-in-law caused with that 40 day's, and nights of rain. 'Just made everything worse.

Some folks just have to find their way out of their own shit. Your clocking them, punching their lights out everytime they fuck up ain't helping. 'Really you've done all you can on that one. Susan's right ya know,..."Fuck'em"

Anyway you calm down, watch that Beatrix Potter movie, and get a good night sleep. Goodnight Sweetheart. XXX!

Btw,...nice dolls. A little creepy, but nice.

"demon"

2007-04-27T08:31:00.001-04:00

"my lost sisters"

2007-04-27T08:06:00.000-04:00

"babies in heaven"

2007-04-27T08:01:00.000-04:00

"used angel"

2007-04-27T07:59:00.001-04:00

"my brother's keeper"

2007-04-27T07:49:00.000-04:00

"Decompression"

2007-04-26T22:15:00.000-04:00

I've been speaking with a doctor friend about the events below. "Killing Rage" He in this instance played the role of my father confessor. I asked where such rage could have come from. Why are some compulsive drinkers, and why do we enable these jerks to destroy themselves, and our families.

Jolly stuff. If I was still Catholic I'd go to confession. "Bless me Father for I have sinned", remember how that went. Well I tell this repressed boylover,..."Well father I just nearly crushed the life out'a my drunken bum of a cousin". He's probably say,..."Again?!"

Ain't life a hoot? Anyhow my doctor pal strongly suggested "Al-Anon", see link to these folks on the left there. These guys help the families of drunken bums.

Damn, this page is start'n to be scarier than I thought!

(Click on the Title of this sober post for a video of Brit cops, and drunks having at it.)

"Killing Rage!",...or "Raging Sid!"

2007-04-26T09:00:00.000-04:00

I almost killed my drunken cousin the other night. He was at it again terrorizing his family, and smashing things up. Something happened to me. I went into a killing rage. It wasn't fight or flight this guy was never a threat to me,..ever.

So strange. My g-d I could have killed a member of my own family. Sure he deserved it a dozen times over, but that gives not one the right to actually do it. Just slug'em, and have done with it. However this was a once in a lifetime event.

I disarmed him...again, but then it all went nuts. I had him in a neckhold, what the cops call a chokehold. Btw, cops kill people that way. Anyway I had that shit, and yeah that's exactly what he is. Still...ya know.

I had 'em, and I said to him over, and over,..."Do you Believe I can kill you?!" "Say Yes!" "Say Yes!!" Over, and over I said this to the screaming of the family in the backround. Basically I let him know if he harmed his family again I was going to spend the rest of my life in Attica,...and he would be dead.

I could have so easily broken his neck. It would have only taken a slight bit more pressure. I could feel his windpipe against my arm. Our souls touched. This is what happens when two people are in a life, and death struggle.

Your souls actually appear, and touch. Just for a wink of a breath of a moment. Ask a relative that was a soldier or a cop I think they'll tell you.

Afterward I dumped him in his bedroom to sleep it off. I was afraid that I had gone too far, and was going to call the 911 medics, and the cops to turn myself in. Yeah serious shit. About as serious as it can get. I felt such shame, and regret. He deserved to have the shit beat out of him for abusing his family, but he didn't deserve to die.

That night was a message for me, and him. He's living a very, very dangerous life style, and I have to temper my outrage at abusers. It's just that simple, and that stupid. People get blown to bits every day for less, far, far less. I came within a breath of being a murderer, and his boozing came just as close to killing him.

As you can imagine this is serious, serious shit in the family. Neither they nor I know how to handle this. I suppose this nightmare was in the pipeline just waiting to gush out. He was going to go nuts just one time too often, and I was bound to put him down with too much force. It was going to happen. The whole set up screamed it.

Well, I didn't have to turn myself in. When I looked in on him the bum was happily snoring away sleeping it off. Next day he had a sore throat, and didn't remember most of what happen. My G-d! Unbelieveable.

There's other details, but that's the meat of this near tragic night. I forget how strong I am because I've never had to use it in violence. These past months have put violent confrontations in my path, and I jumped in. I thought I was protecting people, and family. I must now measure each event much more carefully before I act.

Sounds obvious, but when someone is being assaulted in front of you,..what do you do? 'and don't tell me call a cop. The victim will be long dead by the time they get there.

What a mess.

(Click on the bleeding title of this fucked up post to see Fred Flinstone in the same spot as me.)

"END TIMES",...again

2007-04-22T05:17:00.000-04:00

He was awake again, the man with the terrible wounds. Blinking through red slits he "looked" up at me. With a tattered rasp he said,.."Agony, and I have become intimate friends." His voice was like wind over broken glass. "We share the same body, the same nightmares."

The man,..the Angel? ..coughed molten gold from his ruined lips.

"Demons", "Pain Wraiths" did this to me." "Those wretched children of Hades that rejoice in their dominion over your world." "For idle amusement they plucked out my eyes, and tore off my wings." "For spites sake they infected my soul with doubt, and so severed my umbilical to Paradise,..Elysium."

After these words the wounded man mercifully drifted again into sleep. The only sound that cruel scrape of thin breath over sharp glass. At midnight there was a distant thunder,.. he stirred again, and awoke. He opened empty sockets smiled sadly and said,..."Silly Rabbit." "You have not escaped the fire." "You watched your calenders, held your breath for "Y2K",..then went back to sleep. "But G-d's time is G-d's time." "She will light Her candles, and burn Her worlds when she pleases."

The man/Angel gently touched my arm, and said..."These are the Days foretold to you!" "Your Tribulation 'has' come." With a weary resignation he said.."Go to the window, and look at the sky."

I did. I looked. It was gone. There was no sky. No day, no night, no moon, nor clouds, nor stars. Just void. Void. A great silent Nothing.

"As it was in the begining." Whispered the Angel." "Is now, and shall be forever."

I gazed into Heavens empty Chalice. Here at last was an answer to Faith. A "Sign", and most terrible wonder.

(I originally wrote this last year for my radio show, and the first version of "Sydneyland". It then moved to my spirit page "Humming Amber", and now finally here it is in "Hell" where it belongs.)

"There, There,..Mother's Here"

2007-04-22T03:16:00.000-04:00

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"Mother Replies"

2007-04-22T03:05:00.000-04:00

It's alright Sidney. Ya knows I dig ya,..ya covered. Your pervert pals too!

"MOMMY!"

2007-04-22T02:42:00.001-04:00

Mother,...what the fuck are we going to do. Your children are all frigg'n nuts, and are killing each other, and all the animals as fast as it can be arranged. It'd be funny if it weren't so noisey, and expensive!

Dear G-ddess, Mother of all yeah even them assholes that's screwing everything up. Oh Great Mommy that abides over us, and mostly doesn't do shit. Except maybe eat chocolate cake, and watch us suffer.

Yes! Oh Holy Mama! You that made, and dreamed everything into being. Including income tax, Aids, poverty, bi-polar disorders, and boredom. We,..or at least "I" becheech Thee "Oh Divine Heartless Bitch" to give us a gawddamned, fuck'n break down here! (...eh, in Your eternal mercy of course.)

Amen.

"BBC,...01--06-12,...1040hrs GMT"

2007-04-21T22:48:00.000-04:00

"THE SACRED CITIES OF MECCA, JERUSALEM, ROME, LHASA, KYOTO, BANARAS, AND MACHU PICCHU HAVE VANISHED".

"THERE ARE UNCONFIRMED REPORTS OF OTHER SITES SACRED TO HUMANITY HAVING INEXPLICIBLY DISAPPEARED".

"PRIMAL FORESTS, JUNGLES, DESERTS, AND UNDEVELOPED SCRUBLANDS HAVE TAKEN THE PLACE OF THE DISAPPEARED SHINES, TOWNS, AND CITIES".

"THERE HAS BEEN MASS HYSTERIA, AND VIOLENCE IN THE AREA’S SURROUNDING THE AFFECTED ZONES. ARMED FORCES, AND LOCAL POLICE/MILITIA ARE TRYING TO RESTORE ORDER".

"IN WHAT IS PRESUMED TO BE A RELATED PHENOMENA. BOTH NASA, AND THE EUROPEAN SPACE AGENCY HAVE REPORTED THAT THE REFLECTED LIGHT OF THE MOON IS CHANGING COLOR".

"IT IS SLOWLY FADING FROM WHITE TO YELLOW. A U.S.GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL DISCLOSED, "OFF THE RECORD",THAT NASA SPECIALISTS EXPECTED THE MOON TO SHIFT TO RED BEFORE THE WEEKS END".

"MOONLIGHT IS REFLECTED SUNLIGHT. NEITHER SPACE AGENCY HAS OBSERVED ANY SOLAR UPHEAVALS THAT MIGHT ACCOUNT FOR THIS ONGOING EVENT".

"THERE ARE NOW REPORTS COMING IN FROM THE NIGHTSIDE OF THE EARTH THAT THE STARS ARE BEGINNING TO “WINK” OUT".

"THERE HAS YET TO BE CONFIRMATION FROM OFFICIAL SOURCES IN THE EAST. HOWEVER LONG DISTANCE PHONE CALLERS, SHORTWAVE BROADCASTS, AND INTERNET BLOGGERS ARE REPORTING BOTH THE DARKING OF THE NIGHT SKY, AND THE APPEARENCE OF WINGED BEINGS OVE........................."

"Listen to Mother"

2007-04-20T01:27:00.000-04:00

BE STILL,...AND LISTEN.

"Just Another Day in Hell"

2007-04-18T21:09:00.000-04:00

I've been watching, reading, and listening to news about the bloody madness, and mayhem here, and around the world. It's as though a great sickness has overcome our species. Hundreds killed in Iraq, another insane suicide bomb. Sudan is running guns into Dafur to keep things hot'n merry there. All manner of ethnic murders gleefully being committed pretty much everywhere, and of course our little university slaughter yesterday.

Should I mention the hateful shouting match between a group of Black kids, and some Hasidic Jews I ran into on the subway tonight?

Yep, just another day in Hell. ...and some wonder why I whine so much. Well as I'm fond of saying lately "It's my Blog, and I'll cry if I want too. Btw, the sad image of the murdered woman is from Israel. A Palestinian suicide bomber killed a number of people at an Israeli shopping mall yesterday.

This was about at the same time of day as a Moslem killed 200 fellow Moslems in Bagdad for equally demented reasons. Come to think of it all this may have been at about the same time we had our university killings here.

Truly a busy day in Hell.

(Click on the Title of this bloody post to see Billy Joel's "We didn't start the Fire" video)

"Virginia Tech."

2007-04-18T01:30:00.000-04:00

"OH MAMA!"

2007-04-16T00:30:00.000-04:00

In Her beauty
these fleeting moments
are shared
frozen by time
yet timeless,
this Temple of Woman
is dedicated to
the divine Mother within,
the divine Daughter within,
the divine Sister within.
the divine Lover within,
Who embodies Love
Radiating…
as the divine Goddess
She raises the spiritual level
of this Earth
with Her presence.

(That goes double for me. 'Couldn't agree more! Blessed Be!)

Somebody in the publishing bizz once said,.."If you wanna sell papers put a dog, a cute baby, or a good look'n broad on the cover!) Well I settled for the "Broad",see above. Please excuse my massive sexism my good sisters. I'm experimenting with my heterosexual tendencies.

It's just a "phase" I'll get over it when I finally meet some real nice guy'n settle down. Btw, yeah I love the Wiccan Way, but I'm not in the Faith. No more than I'm a Catholic anymore. Problem is they're both religions, and G-d is mostly outside of these things.

Catholicism, and Wicca both have great Beauty, and Heartful people. It's just that they also have rules. True some are kinder than others, but G-d doesn't lay rules on us. The rituals, and funny hats are the human part of the Divine. The religion part. I'm looking for the G-d part.

(Please click on the title of this "Two Spirit" post for a swell short Wicca video)

"MAMA MIA!"

2007-04-15T23:13:00.000-04:00

Hi gang,..no I haven't beat'n anybody up today. '...but I'm always ready. I'm a 21st Century Angel, Queer, Anarchist, Pacifist! Nevermind that for for now. What I wanted to mention was my "dream", I think it was a dream, about our dear Mother Mary. The Blessed Virgin Mary, aka the Mother G-ddess.

You ever notice that the devotion to Her is actually more personal, and fervent than it is to her weird, but well meaning son? Even when the Nuns were trying to beat worship of this guy into me I always went to "Her" for comfort. Ain't religion something.

Anyway I was watching tv, and there's this thing that happened at a Coptic church in Brooklyn. Apparently an icon of Our Lady came to life, and gave out holy oil. That or something like it.

Now you know I never dismiss this sort of thing out of hand. Yeah it's may be bullshit, but it's a sure'a nuff miracle to them's what saw it. Like that talking fish, also in Brooklyn, that showed up in a Jewish seafood shop. The little guy warned of the impending end of times, and we should start praying like we meant it for a change.

Hey that got my attention. Not too many Jewish miracles lately so when they happen I'm listening. Also the guy that was handling the fish when it started yak'n was Puerto Rican.

Someone ought to do a book on all the interesting weird miracles that happen in the "Borough of Church's",..aka Brooklyn. That part of town has folks from every known, and a few not so know religions on the planet. Ya got to figure with all them different gawd's competing for apartments something screwy is bound to happen now'n then.

Getting back to my dream about the "BVM" though. I was in one of those houses that's a confabulation of all the familiar places you've known. In this case it was a mix-master blend of all my childhood haunts. Grandma's house, school, all that.

I was sitting in a living room that Dali might'a cooked up after eating peyote with Walt Disney. Anyway there I am when I hear spacey chimes outside. Sort'of like a "Good Humor" truck with John Cage playing the bells. I get up'n go to the window.

White gauze curtains blowing in a warm breeze. I can smell flowers. I look through this fluttering veil, and I see a tall statue of "Mary" on a lawn across the street.

The stone image is white with robes of skyblue. (a common sight in Catholic neighborhoods) There is also a crown of flowers about her head.

Here's the "money shot",...She's moving.

Yeah, yeah you've heard plenty of stories from crackpot true believer's saying the same thing. 'But let me tell you it's a whole other ball game when you see it ya self,...even in a dream.

The Mother G-ddess, the Blessed Virgin Mary or the African G-ddess Oshun, (take your pick), was slowly moving. She was looking from the left to the right. As She did this our eyes would meet. Not eyes,..light. Our Holy Mother's eyes were the light of a thousand, thousand flaring suns. I hear Her call my name.

Then nothing. I awake.

Was this a Miracle? A vision? In the context of the dreams I've been having,(..read below), I can't just dismiss it.

More later.

"It's Okay,..I Understand"

2007-04-14T20:46:00.000-04:00

Looks like I lost some readers. My sometimes negativity, and this new hellish annex to "Sydneyland" was a bit much for some. I am sorry. I feared this would happen, but I had to be honest about my nightmares. Honest about my less than happy personal life.

I have warned everyone up front about this page. This is where I go to purge demons, pain, and madness. Also maybe find a way to G-d. She has to be around somewhere. Anyway for those leaving good bye it was swell. You're welcome back anytime.

Peace.

"Prayer in Hell"

2007-04-13T07:23:00.000-04:00

Hell is the best place to pray. See all prayer down here is sincere. "Sincere as Hell" ya might say. There's no kidding around with your contemplations in this shit hole. I've been coming to hell for decades now. Oh sure I go to Paradise now'n again, but hell is where I mostly hangs my hat.

It's also where I get my best material. Most writers, and such would be sunk without the hellish inspirations of this weird, scary, steamy place. 'Sorry I don't mean to make lite of this mess. The point I'm trying to make is Hell isn't forever.

Nothing is.

Them Buddhist is on the money on that one. The Hippies were in the ball park too. Things change. Creation is nothing if not change this way or that. A good thing too 'cause the universe would get boring real quick if it weren't.

Anyway since I can't stay here forever I better make the most of my hellish experiences,..ya think. Prayer. I pray like it's going out'a style down here. I mean' every irrational, contridictory word I'm grind'n out. 'And all this praying, btw, ain't about get'n my butt out'a hell. Hey I can do that just by getting up, and walking,..duh!

The real deal is to understand just a piece of the plan. I'd settle for a description of a coffee stain on the wrapper the "PLAN" comes in! All I'm trying to do down here, and on this "Damned" blog is to get a glimpse of G-d.

I tried over at MY "Humming Amber" page. no dice. It just didn't work. This is another attempt to see G-d, and maybe the schematics of my own soul. Analog, digital don't matter I can download, and scan it.

So I tell you my bad dreams, my ugly experiences, and assorted weird inexplicable stuff. Yes all this, and more. This ought to be an interesting trip. Oh yeah, Happy Friday da Thirteenth!

More later.

(Click on the title of this burning post to see silent footage from Hell.)

GUARDIAN ANGEL

2007-04-13T06:42:00.000-04:00

When I was a child the Nuns taught me a prayer to my Guardian Angel. Even tho' I was beginning to see some rather huge gaping holes in the Catholic Cosmology. The most troubling their notion that dogs don't go to heaven. I mean right there red warning lights went on all over the place as far as this outfit was concerned!

Still they seemed pretty much on the money as far as Angels went. After all I was seeing, and hearing them all the time when I was little. All kids do even now. So when They laid this particular prayer on me I said okay. Along with the sermon on the mount, and a few other odds, and ends I still go along with this one.

Interesting though. I was throughly freaked out when I found out that the "Lords Prayer" actually came from the Eygptian Book of the Dead,..among other places. Wow so the most said prayer on the planet is all mixed up with them beetle, and falcon headed g-ds. Holy Shit!

'Wonder if the Nuns ever found out about that. I give anything to see their faces, esp. that religious fanatic/racist/and sadist I had back in the 5th grade. Today she'd be arrested for massive child abuse. In 'them' times though it was all just in a days work. Humiliate, and beat small children,...no big deal.

Anyhow here's that prayer that I still say sometimes. It fit's in perfectly with my G-ddess love, Faerie reverence, and Democratic, Liberal, Anarchist, Queer, Boylove, "Don't get in my Face" ideals. One size fits all. Now,...repeat after your dear Uncle:

"Angel of God, My Guardian Dear
to whom God's love commits me here".

"Ever this day be at my side
to light and guard and rule and guide".

Amen.

"The Awful Truth!"

2007-04-13T02:11:00.000-04:00

...this is my unwinding from the actions described in the post below, "Adventures in Hell!"

Gee, guess I'm not the sweet Angelic queer you all thought I was. What with my slugg'n, and beating the crap out of all comer's. I feel horrible, sick, disgusted, and resentful that I've been put in this insane position. It ain't fair, but then what is. The strong must defend the weak.

That's the best I can come up with. I could hardly do less that that. What was I supposed to do sit back, and let the mayhem take over. What if that maniac had gotten into the studio? What if my deranged cousin had a real gun?

Like it or not I'm obligated to act. You've seen cowboy movies. The sheriff, and or deputy has to do what what they gott'a do. I'm a strong guy. I try to be a responsible, and gentle guy. Sometimes though I have to use my strength to prevent things from getting seriously nuts.

Make sense?

(Click on the Title of this misty post for the "Ghost Dance",..even though thousands of black tribes people have been expelled from the Cherokee Nation. We still, I still Believe in the "Dance". More than Easter or Christmas.)

"Adventures in Hell!"

2007-04-12T23:52:00.000-04:00

Holy Crap! I think I might have to put together yet 'another' page. This one for the unbelieveable mayhem I get sucked into. Ya won't believe it but twice in the last month I was engaged in violent confrontations.

The first was at work. This nut jub forced his way into our radio station hell bent on attacking one of our hosts. How he got past security one the first floor is still under investigation.

Anyhow I hears all this yelling, and I come out of my office to see this big hairy lunatic screaming something about how much he loves China,..the communist variety. Well he's banging on the studio door trying to get in to assault the folks on the air,..they're reactionaries afterall. Or so he said.

Right I goes into action, and decks the guy. Hey I'm still pretty good at that sort'a thing. The intruder is crazed, and violent it was already too late for talk. So I punch his lights out, and drag'em out of the station for the cop to "bag'n tag'em".

Quite a night.

This evening was worse. This time it's family. One of my relatives is an alcoholic,..so sad. Such a waste, but he gets violent when drunk. I get a call from his daughter that things have gone seriously south, and to please, PLEASE! come over.

This is all two minutes after I wake up btw. So I rush's over, a few blocks, and I see something like from that prole basher show "COPS!" My cousin is raving! He's out of his mind, and threating his family with a gun. Well it turned out to be a "prop", a facimilie, but his family didn't know that. He was raving, and waving this thing around.

I "dis-arm", and try to talk him down. No dice, he tried to "round house" me, and then goes for his wife. Hey,..again I had no choice. I reluctantly sluggs him, but he's still standing,..the booze makes you strong, and stupid. He doesn't even know he's been hit.

Then the cops come. I hear'em downstairs so I quickly dispatchs my poor cousin. I give him a quick knee to the gut to put him out. I then carries him into his bedroom where I dump him in the sack. Then I hide the "gun" though a prop it looks real as shit. He could go to jail for three years. That's a new law. You threaten with a fire arm, (this includes fakes), you're fucked,..3 years automatic.

No way I wants these guys to see this thing. The NYPD tends to shoot first, and ask later. Esp. if the parties ain't white which we mostly ain't. We're Creol's google it. The white cousins are all on my mothers side,..but that's another story.

Well after a nightmare of negotiating with the cops, dealing with the crying freaked out relatives. Yeah as usual they don't want to press charges, and they don't mention the gun. Swell. After all these joyful goings on I leave.

Btw I took that toy gun with me when I finally got out of there. I got out my tool kit, and took the dammned thing apart. I tossed the bits'n pieces into East River when I got to town. All in a daze work comrads.

So here I am traumatized, and generally fucked up. If this shit don't give me a heart attack nothing will. Pretty full month for a Pacifist, Gay Anarchist Boylover, Artist huh?

Thing is I haven't had to raise my hands in violence in nearly 25 years,..till this awful month. Maybe like I say I should start another page, and call it, "The For Real, No Kidding Serious Hell on the Rocks Blog!!!"

What do you think?

(Click on the Title of this bloody post to hear Bob Dylan's opinion on the matter.)

"Boys Don't Cry"

2007-04-12T07:34:00.000-04:00

I think all males undergo a kind of psychic castration when they're boys growing up. The core dismemberment is to subsume ones more humane emotions. Feminine emotions, we're taught or tortured, humiliated into obliterating our feminine souls.

Basically you ignore all pain inflicted on you. That, and reject any guilt for inflicting it on others. This pretty much explains why most guys are so throughly fuck up. In my case it's a kind of spiritual coma within part of my soul.

I can't Cry. The tears never come. Despite my constant nightmares they won't come.

I think this is why I tend to whine so much. The tears won't come to relieve that irritating crap. The last time I wept in shuddering wails was at the death of my Mother. That was many years ago. Even that purge was incomplete. I couldn't allow myself to come apart I thought. I had too many serious responsibilities at the time.

Like I say in a post further down. If I could just weep,..for an hour. Heck I'll settle for 10 minutes. If I could let that explosion of pain out of my spirit I'd be almost healed. Certainly much more functional,..well I am mobile 'all that. I mean with a great hysterical emotional "purge" I might be more creative, and funnier than I am. Hey I might even be happy now, and then for a change.

It's my Blog, and I'll Cry if I want too. One day.

(Click on title of this embarrassing post to see what men do best.)

"SHARKS!"

2007-04-10T17:33:00.000-04:00

Now it's just plain nuts. Another insane nightmare. I'm at the bottom of the sea, I see fish swimming above me like birds in the sky. The tint of the ocean bottom shifts from blue to green to amber. Then Sharks! The "sky", the sea above me is suddenly full of sharks! They arrive in vast schools. Like flying dragons they soar, dive even shriek like birds of prey.

What kind of hell have I dreamed myself into now?! Then as dreams do the sea bottom morphs into a city street. The sharks have turned into great vessels floating in the sky. (???!!)

I am home in my mothers house. My childhood home. All is as I remember it, but it's under water. You seeing a pattern here? I'm swimming from room to room. Everything is as it should be except for swaying sea weed, and the bubbles, and currents.

It all seems so normal as if I always lived under water.

Suddenly there's a bright flash,like a cataract of lightning, and the sea drains away. My goldfish bowl house is a swirl of bubbles, dish's, dolls, hats, and flipping pages. In a rushing flood all of the water cascades out of the windows, doors, and mouse holes.

It seems as if my old home was not under the sea after all. (I think) It was just flooded. I'm swept outside, but it's not my old neighborhood. My house is in a vast redwood forest. The water washes away, and I'm standing by my front door gazing at a primeval forest.

I think I hear my mother. I hear her voice,..it's been so many years. How I miss her. I'm not sure if she's in the forest or in the house. It's warm like summer, and I'm dry. I walk into the forest,..is she there? I hear a phone ringing in my house. Not the modern soft chirping of modern phones, but the old fashioned sharp "brrring!" of the black rotory's.

I'm walking, and I see bits, and pieces of the city entwined within the deep forest. Brownstone's overrun with thick redwood roots. Buildings broken up by trees growing through them. Stairs leading down to a subway station have become a waterfall for a brook.

I look up, and see the sharks circling. I feel a wind, a very cold wind. Then I wake up.

(Please click the title of this strange, wet post to see a video that comes close to where I was.)

"STARS AND STRIPES"

2007-04-09T09:31:00.000-04:00

I had another one of those dreams. Basically another tour through hell. I'll spare you the details this time. Except for this,...flags at half staff. I saw the Stars, and Stripes at half staff where ever I looked in this dream.

Something is coming. Something may be on the way. 'Don't know what or where. Have you been feeling this? A kind of electricity in the air. Something all around us almost visible. It's the feeling one gets just before a big summer storm.

Yes it might just be me, stress, overwork, all the usual, but I think something is coming. I've felt it for a long time. Those damned dreams, all the shit that's going down all around us. Boy I sure hope this is nothing.

The vision/dream is all I have. Just the images. Flags in mourning. By now most of you know how corny, and emotional I get,..which is why you love me so much. Still this one troubles me. Oh G-d I hope this is just more of my internal bullshit.

We'll see.

(Click on the title of this post to see what I saw.)

"The Burning Time Returns!"

2007-04-09T02:00:00.000-04:00

Killing QUEERS, and FAGGOTS is become'n fashionable around the world. Have you noticed? Do you care? Well most don't. I'll never forget the blank faces, and thundering silence when I confronted my colleagues at Wbai radio about this.

They were all teary eyed, and full of idealistic support for terrorists, and Jew haters. When I pointed out the horrific treatment WOMEN, and GAYS receive at the hands of their radical Islamic heros,...silence. Later I was told all that was a "side issue" to the anti-imperialst cause.

These fuckers are the New Nazi's.

It just keeps happening. The assaults against Women, and the murder of Queers. It's happening all over the world. I wonder if we'll ever have a Holocaust Monument for us. I can tell you we're earning one in this wretched 21st Century.

Reading the Gay press, and some of the progressive press one keeps finding posts, and articles of more pervert blood spilled. Quietly spilled. People looking the other way, shrugging, and walking away. I saw this attitude with my own eyes right here at WBAI during that staff meeting. Ya know a few years ago my locker at the station was defaced with "FAG".

Very few cared. In fact not a few inferred that I put it there myself a an act of provocation. Such is the American Left in this era. I see that we are absolutely on our own. They can shove us into ovens, and almost no one will object. I am now certain of this.

I am more fearful for our scattered communities now than I have ever been. With so many out, and public now we may have inadvertently doomed ourselves. How I wish this was paranoia. It ain't.

The image of those young gay teen boys being hanged in Iran got no response whatever around here. Except that it might have been Israeli disinformation. Or that they were hanged for some other crime. The fact that these kids, and that's what they were,..kids. That they were lynched was a non-issue.

Most of you probably never even heard of this incident. Well there have been 20 or more hanged since then, another 50 await death in Egypt. The Islamic world is openly slaughtering their QUEERS. The west does it quietly.

No one cares either. That's what I feel, that's what I see.

I was walking around my neighborhood, and passed a storefront church. In the window was a sign.."Jesus wants you to be a Man, not a Sissy!"

The "pastor" of this hateful sect put this up on Gay Pride Day. Real swell 'guess he was trying to stem the tide. That no one threw a full trash can through the window is a testament to local restraint

I hate this era. I think I hate most of the selfish mean jerks that populate it. I think they deserve the hell they've made of the world. They deserve each other. I just wish they'd devour themselves, and leave the rest of us alone.

I remember a story my Mommy told me long ago. It was about the Jews of Harlem. There was, and may still be a small Jewish community in Harlem. Anyway My Mother remembers a Black Rabbi walking down the middle of Lenox avenue weeping. He was walking in the street in tears.

He was crying for the Jews being mass murdered in Europe. This was years before it was offically admitted. The Allies knew. Washington, London, and Moscow 'knew' the Holocaust was underway. However they kept it secret for political reasons,..just like the Nazi's did.

The Jews of the world of course knew. They knew, and pleaded for rescue, but were politely rebuffed by both Churchill, and Roosevelt. So there the Rabbi walked weeping for the murdered, as everyone else walked by, and went about their business. I never forgot that story. That, and many other humanizing, and heartful stories my folks told me as I grew up.

I guess that's why I never fell for the Black Race Nationalism, and Jew Hate that's so popular among African Americans these daze. We threw our "Moral High Ground" away so we could join the mainstream, and be heartless, greedy, and stupid.

Still the Rabbi walking in the street weeping for his unloved, despised people. That vision, and memory passed onto me by my Mom is in my heart. I see us walking beside him weeping for his, 'and' our despised, unwanted peoples.

"EASTER BUNNY OF THE UNDEAD!"

2007-04-08T23:54:00.000-04:00

Well it's Easter that joyous time of year when all good Christians think the dead walk. Or is that Halloween. Praise be ye, but those that died in the faith shall walk, and it's presumed talk, eat drink, and complain. Hallelujah, praise be, and so on.

For our Lawd! dost walk amongst us again, and wonders why he let himself get nailed up for such a bunch'a ungrateful losers. For your corruption is as plain as fresh dog shit on a steaming plate. As clear as a rats ass in a punch bowl. The sins of man, and most women do reek to the upper heavens causing the choir of Angels, and the Just to shut their windows lest their cribs stink with the inequities of mankind!

The sins of man, and most women are legion, and counting. Yet the miracle of the rising is still bestowed upon the unworthy. "Go forth!" The Achangel Judas sez to the shuffling hoards of the reanimated. "Stagger ye forth oh smelly undead, and eat the brains of the wicked on this joyful day of renewal!"

Devour the wicked in their condos, gated communities, and their Malls of underpaid slaves, and over priced junk! Tear from them their intestines, and strangle ye the legions of the over compensated, and over insured with these greasy entrails. Lay waste their real estate, and devour ye without remorse or seasoning their eyeballs lest they see more goods that they might even now at their doom sinfully covet.

Turn ye the Earth into an arena of devoured, and excreted corrupt, and oh so sinful flesh! This do in gawds eternal mercy.

So ends the Sermon.

(An explanation to Saint Peter to be used at my upcoming hearing at the Pearly Gates)

G-d, and Her posse of walking dead, i.e. the trillions of "souls" in Heaven, and Hell are the scariest bunch of all.

When I was in Catholic high school it occured to me, and some of the other hell-bound kids, that the "Risen",(..in you know Who), would be zombies.

What else could they be. The Boss promised that the dead would rise at the appointed day,...just like Him. Which of course rather strongly implies that He, "Him" and or Herself is not only "King of Kings" but following that line of Holy logic She's also the "King of the Zombies!"

A "Zombie G-d" if you will. Hey it's all the da good book. I ain't make'n shit up here. It's just how you looks at it. Yeah the "Risen" may be glorified, but they're also the "Undead" i.e.,...Zombies. There's no way around it.

I'd stand my ground against the most reactionary, and Blood Thirsty Theology Ninja's that Rome could scrap up, and still win on this point!

So if I was you I'd wear a helmet, or at least a hat 'cause gawd's zombie hoards is coming, and they gots a serious "jones" for fresh brains.

Amen.

"LAFF KLOWN,..LAFF DAMN YA!"

2007-04-08T22:45:00.000-04:00

I'm a Klown. Being a Klown is like be'n "a Thought Kriminal." You could be one for years, and not know it. When you're finally denounced to the Feds by friends or family no one is more surprized than you. It's like discover'n that you've been walking around town with your pants around ya ankles, and a stuffed baboon's ass on your head.

It's hard to know where or how it all began. Perhaps my ability to see the world as a face begg'n to be slammed with a custard pie. Well that or maybe it's when I see important ruthless dictators or those creepy infomercial clones on tv. I can't help, but see them dressed as evil batwinged "Good Humor" men hand'n out frozen severed feet on a stick.

With Candy Sprinkles!

See the "candy sprinkles" in the vision is what divides Klowns from just your average, regular, deranged nutjobs. It's what makes us employable, and relatively medication free.

You understand I'm speaking in generalities here. I'll admit that more than a few of us Klowns have strayed across the border, and have gone after our, to say the least, surprized audiences with meat hooks, and chainsaws.

We try to keep these eh,.."incidents" quiet, payoffs to da papers'n such. That'n maintain our traditions of tired slapstick, psychotic mime, drunken dances, and lame magic tricks that don't work. All this performed to the distrubing "grease paint over a gutshot wound" that is the true soul of all carnival music.

I can hear it now. It is carried on the damp sad winds that blow through the shabby homes of the downsized, overqualified, and addicted.

Aw yes. Laff Klown! Laff G-ddamned ya!!

"DEATH IS SUCH A MESSY AFFAIR"

2007-04-08T22:33:00.000-04:00

Yelling, arguing, crying, plotting that is what a death in the family is like. Any family. The longer the dying takes the louder the relatives seem to get. Me when my times come I'll do like the animals, and go quietly off.

I won't tell any of these hyena's that I'm ill I'll just book passage to somewhere nice, and die peacefully in a lawnchair. Sort of like what's his name in "Death in Venice". However in my case I'll bang the kid before I go. Read the book.

Anyway I've run away from home,..again. Granted I'm a bit old for that, but I have good reasons. My house has become uninhabitable for the sane. What with loud plotting relatives, and semi-professional mourners under foot. I from time to time interject that the guest of honor isn't quite dead yet, but I'm rebuffed for my lack of proper attitude.

Good thing my dear older cousin in whose honor all this mayhem is being performed is totally ga-ga. She left us some months back actually. I mean the person whom I've adored'n loved all my life, who used to look after me when I was little, and who read me "Mickey Mouse" comic books till I could do it on my own. She, the 'real' person, left when her mind folded in on itself last summer.

It's just her poor shrinking body that everybody is fighting over now. Well that, and her house, and movables. I'm sure you've been there so you know what I'm talking about.

Well here I am taking refuge among friends catching my breath till I go back into the loving arms of my surviving family. It's true ya know. If you wasn't related to them ya'd never speak to or want to know any of them. Families are the luck of the draw. Usually it's a booby prize.

Friends are another matter. That bunch'a of loonies you choose on purpose. I must say them's that are still alive was damned good choices. They've proved themselves a zillion times over. We've been pals so long that we're bury'n each other now.

Speaking of which,..did ya know my "family" didn't even bother to tell me when another cousin, (one that I actually liked), they didn't tell me another cousin of mine passed away. That or of a childhood friend that also passed. I had to find all that out by chance,..imagine. Families.

So like I say. When my turns comes it's that happy lawn chair for me. That, and a "Lime Ricky", w/ crushed ice. See you there!

"DREAM FEVER"

2007-04-08T22:27:00.000-04:00

Dreams, dreams, dreams, so many dreams. I close my eyes for a moment, and I'm in another world. Not all of then pleasant. Perhaps it's my prolonged flu, my meds, the stress of care giving, all of the above? More blood dreams. More end of the world, and burning New York dreams again.

Imagine midtown like Sarajevo in the 1990's during their mad wars. That's were I just was. All of our streets bullet pocked battle zones. Skyscrapers torn open by bombs, some at angles about to fall. Worst of all it's always night, and the sky is on fire!

What are these events trying to tell me? Why this unbroken chain of nightmares? Why do I keep sending myself to Hell?

Long ago I had a Biblical dream of a forest burning, but not consumed. If I were religious I guess by now I'd be out on the street screaming St. John's end-time gospels, and handing out xerox's of my deranged "visions" to annoyed passersby.

Perhaps I'm purging my demons. Either that or getting to know them better. All those horror movie dreams of torture, and mayhem that keep happening. In one two nights ago a man is tied to a table, and operated on.

His screams were, are so real. I hear them as I post. In this dream a doctor is forced to do this. A man tells him to operate or he'll shove a knife up his cock, and cut his nuts out from the inside. Then he'd look for targets of opportunity!

The doctor operates on the awake shreiking man. His organs are cut out, his still beating heart is put on a cracked plate. The skull is opened,..his brain is large diamond, and it speaks.

The evil man that has ordered all this looks at me, and says,..."All life is War".

There were more dreams, but enough for now.

Ya know I think I'd feel better if I could just cry. Like Black Baptist's, and Irish Catholic's do. If I could have a shuddering, wailing weep as they do I'd be okay.

"BBC, 1-27-09...1030-GMT"

2007-04-08T22:21:00.000-04:00

It has been confirmed that at 0830 GMT two nuclear devices detonated within the borders of Israel. One in the vicinity of Haifa, and another in Tel-Aviv. NATO military sources speculate that the "devices" were tactical in nature. Warheads in the 10 to 15 kiloton range.

The attackers identity, and their methods of delivery of these weapons of mass destruction are at this time unknown. The disruptive effects of the nuclear electromagnetic pulse has seriously damaged the local communications infrastructure. So no precise information is yet available from the points of impact.

What information that has filtered out of the blast zones is so far chaotic, and contradictory. However, observers on commercial aircraft over the Mediterranean reported seeing bright flash's, and the slow rising of two new suns to the south.

"TEHRAN DAWN"

2007-04-08T22:12:00.000-04:00

On January 28th 2009 just days after the inauguration of Jeb Bush 'the' order is given. For the first time in its nearly 50 years the threat rating at "NORAD/Cheyenne Mountain" stood at Defcon One. Defense Condition One!
As the new President said in his inspiring or chilling speech,depending on how you voted. In his speech on the Capital steps he stated "The very existence of Judeo-Christian Democracy is at stake." "There is no turning back now from this great twilight struggle of the forces of light, and darkness."

"Thy will be done!"

The carefully chosen inauguration day throngs applauded, and cheered uninterrupted for an unprecedented 55 minutes. History, at least as we had known it had turned a corner. Indeed there was no going back.

1-29-09,..0300 hrs.(GMT) Middle Eastern Theatre of Allied Operations.

Maj. Esther Ya'alon of the IDF was flying a U.S.A.F. "YF-22b" at mach 2 over the Caspian Sea. She had taken off from a "Dark" allied air strip some kilometers outside of Ashgabat.

The Turkmenistani government while legally "neutral" was nevertheless willing to "look the other way" while their territory was used for an historic act of war. The promised windfall of lands, and oil being too much to turn down.

Major Ya'alon had already trained for a variant of this mission before the Americans stole the act, and decided to do it themselves. The Israeli government, knowing the Americans habit sloppiness,(overkill), insisted that one of their pilots should deliver the "package". "Measured response not Armageddon." "This is the 'real world' not the "700 Club" said the Israeli Prime Minister to the new American President.

The modified stealth YF-22b late of the Kansas Air National Guard twisted, and turned through the Amal mountains. She then turned east, and skimmed low above the dunes of Kashmar desert. Esther saw the first glints sunlight rising above the still sleeping earth. How many will see the sun set she wondered.

She received her "go" signal,..."Tehran Dawn", "It is done" she said to herself. Major Esther Ya'alon granddaughter of Bergen-Belsen survivors turned her plane 180 degrees, and began the arming sequence for the "package".

In Tehran Imams were just mounting the stairs of their minarets for the call to Morning Prayers......

(Click on the title of this Hellish post to see "Victory",...I don't know whose.)

"RAGE!"

2007-04-08T20:06:00.000-04:00

I was thinking about rage lately. Just the other day I had read something on Zazie's page. ("House of the Rising Sun",..look in the "Sydneyland" links patch.) "Burst of Joy roar of Rage" is what I read there. The twin fires of our souls.

Well here's what I'm on about. You ever notice that when some people get drunk or really stoned they turn into monsters. They may be the most kind, and good people when they're sober, but when they drink or worse binge they become evil. It's the same with those with dementia, or other mental disorders.

Dementia is a cruel disorder. I recently winessed an older loved one who suffers this burden experience rageing fits. I guess this is really why I've come to you with this. Where did that horror come from. How could such a generous, kindly soul have, and express such bile? Are we all closet Demons?

In our "natural" state we're fine, but when neurologicaly damaged or intoxicated we seem to turn into something else. I've seen this too often in friends, and family, and friends of friends. What is this? What is this demon that lives just below the surface.

I note that not everyone becomes a "Killer Zombie from Planet X!" Some when they get shitfaced or nuts they become even sweeter than they were. Me,..I'm not boasting, me when I'm stoned I sing. I do dances, sing, and tell stories then pass out for a day or so.

However other's smash things, commit violence against loved ones, and say the most evil, and cruel things you can imagine,...why? What has a few onces of chemicals or booze awakened in some. I never understood it. One reason that I rarely use alcohol is that when I was little I saw one of my uncles loose it, go insane screaming, violent when very drunk. I never forgot it.

The thing is though he didn't remember it. A few days later he was the same old wonderful uncle he always was. Most folks that go crazy with drink or drugs don't remember any of the harm they'd done. When they're told what they did they're horrified.

So what I'm getting to is what is this beast some carry around with them. Is this demon, this "rage" who we all 'really' are. Is only manners, culture, and,..I don't know what, is it only these delicate things that keep the beast in it's cage? Are there "Joyful" souls, and "Rageing" souls. When simple inhibitions are removed do we become what we truly are?